Personal Space

Sometimes, I just need to get away!  In a house with two kids, I need a place to think, breathe, and yes, be alone!  It seems, that more times than not, people are somehow always around me. Regardless if it’s to write, eat, read, sleep or even the bathroom, the more I yearn for alone-time, the more they seem to follow.

Does this remind you of your life at times?  If it does maybe it’s time to create your personal space.

 What is Personal Space?

Somewhere that you can go to have complete privacy.  Free from phones, kids, family, pets, technology, or anything that interferes with your quest for peace. Your creative corner could be a closet, space in the basement, or anywhere you can call your own sanctuary.

My Saturday Project Was Finding and Creating My Space

I found my space in the basement.  A space about 6x8, just big enough for me!  Because it is in the corner, I had two walls and then an open space. The challenge became how to close up and create walls cheaply.  I went to JoAnn Fabrics and purchased heavy couch fabric in a beautiful green.  I sewed the fabric into a curtain and cut holes in the top to hang from the ceiling. I used PVC pipe, wires and nails to attach to the beams in the basement to hang the curtain as an enclosure.   While this took some time, trial and error, it was rewarding to see it begin to become mine.

 Next, I selected paint for the two walls. Since the curtains I made were a deep green, I chose a bright yellow to perk the room up.  I then went to Burlington Coat Factory and found a great light green ottoman that fit perfectly!  I painted an old bedside table and stuck that in there with a lamp. The result ROOM DONE!

Once you have created your space, name it. Insist that everyone in the house know the name of your space.  This makes it personal to you and for others, it lets them know how important it is to you.  Make sure they understand that when you are in (name) respect your need for privacy.

Set-up boundaries and rules for your space to keep it safe for you.

Rule:  This is my space, please respect it whether I am in there or not. Do not come in uninvited.

Boundary:  If the curtain is open, you can come in.  If it’s closed, please respect my time and need for peace.

Realize that your space can affect your mood and stress level. Give yourself time to unwind, relax and enjoy.

The RLS Method

Going on an interview?  The RLS Method is a great tool to have in your toolbox!  This is something that I created for use when teaching Career Development courses to all ages!  For more in-depth information please email me at: Lisa@LCRay214.com

Research

·       Use Social Media to help you do your homework.  (Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter)

·       Does the company have a website?  If they do, read over and get to know the company.

·       Do you know what the position that you are applying for entails?

o   Can you easily learn those duties if you are not familiar with them?

o   Are you qualified through school, training or previous work experience?

o   Can you get further education/experience to qualify you for this position?

Language

How you present yourself is everything not just in the interview, but when you first walk in as well as when you’re leaving.  REMEMBER:  How you come across over the phone counts too!

·       What type of language are you using? While we all speak “differently” when in various situations, you never want to go into an interview and talk to the interviewer the same way you would with your personal friends.

o   Cussing, loud, and obnoxious tones is definitely an no-no

o   Sharing your personal business or problems is never a good idea.

·       

      Do you know the language of the profession/business you are trying to get into?

o   Are there technical terms that you should be familiar with?

·       

     Your body language (non-verbal communication) is just as important as what you say.  It is the visual trademark impression that you leave with a possible employer.

o   Are you neat and clean

o   Did you take the time to visually prepare for the interview?

Sell:

The overall goal here is to show the interviewer who you are as well as what type of employee would will be for the company.  Two main points are:  Selling yourself in a personal sense, as well as selling you – the business person.

·                           Personally:

o   Who are you as an individual?

o   Are you positive in nature or are you negative?

o   Do you speak negatively about previous employers, or do you focus on what was “right” with the company and your co-workers.

o   Will you bring your home life (issues) to the workplace?

·                       Professionally:         

o   What skills do you bring to the table that will enhance this company’s bottom line?

o What have you done (work-wise) in the industry that will contribute to what you will do for this company?

These are some brief things that you can incorporate into you career development training. 

For more information - email me at:  Lisa@lcray214.com

Enjoy Your Journey

Photo: Lisa Raymond

At a time when everyone seems uptight, angry and stressed, there is no better time than now to calm your thoughts and learn to enjoy your journey.

In general, people seem to be over worked, underpaid, and for the larger part, always ready to expect and accept the worst.  Over the past years, there is a drastic increase in overall worldly violence as well as familiar domestic violence, and tempers are short and fuses can be quickly set off at the drop of a pin.  We've watched movie stars command large paychecks for half rate movies, we've seen the rich continue to create boundaries and barriers that we can only dream of reaching all the while falling further and further behind in bills and basic life needs.

As I'm writing this, I understand how difficult it is to enjoy life when it seems like everything is caving in around you, but, your journey is in your control.  And even if everything in your world doesn't fall the way you want it, not fully seeing the better side of things won't make the hard times any less hard, nor will it make a tough journey any easier to travel.

Living in Your Lane

Life is not a competition. It is not a race, and the person with the biggest best toys does not always mean "winner"! Competition to be king/queen of the hill seems to be the issue of more people.  This is the desire to have what someone else has, or get even better at just about any cost. Including to the detriment to your financial status or quality of health.  The need to outdo someone, especially when it's not feasible or necessary usually puts us in a state of unease.  They used to call it keeping up with the Jones', however now, everyone seems to try to out do everyone else so life for many has become a complete mess. Rather than realize the emotional and mental stress that's caused by trying to outdo someone, we press forward walking down a path that doesn't really fully exist leaving us feeling empty and usually providing only short term gains and shorter term happiness.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being ambitious and wanting all that you deserve and can rightfully afford.  However, as a society, we've taken the general meaning of living at a level that is affordable and reasonable to a level that puts us in a state of economic debt.  This not living in our lane. It's living in a world that doesn't exist for the majority of mankind.

As a culture of people, we’ve lost sight of what is really important to focus on things that won’t mean two cents down the road.  Who cares about who married who, who had gender reassignment, or who wore it best when there are wars, unfed children, and people dying from curable diseases.

What Went Wrong

It's definitely not like it used to be!  I remember growing up during a time in the 70's and 80's where we could leave bikes out over night. If you did wrong, all the adults in the neighborhood got on you and then went back to tell your parents.  I remember when parents were (for the most part) mean, and made us do homework, study and play.... outside.  If you had someone you didn't like, you would fight one day, and be friends the next. We were not out for blood. We were not fighting till the death, and there were definitely no weapons. The journey for me back then, may have seemed hard, but it was not impossible.

Television and radio haven't helped as the FCC has lowered its standards of what is shown and heard over the airwaves. Sex, violence, and drugs have become second nature to us all both on TV and in secular music, that it has become normal for our kids to not only watch but to aspire to become a part of.  It seems with the explosion of Social Media, we have become a society that is constantly and consistently trying to "one-up" each other and out do what other's in their social networks are doing.

This disruption has caused many to live in a way they may not normally in a quest to be seen as something they are not. Social Media has allowed us to all have fifteen minutes of fame, good, bad, or indifferent.  This brief type of publicity, street credibility and misguided reality allows anger to flair and grow quickly as it is common for it to either end up on the evening news or broadcast across Youtube, Snapchat, FaceBook or land on a Twitter Feed. Therefore, instead of walking down a sensible path, many seem to be looking for a cell phone to capture the essence of anger that can catapult one into instant "stardom" only to be mocked and made a spectacle of by the very ones they are attempting to impress.

We all have heard and/or said that we want our kids to have a better life than what we had, but how can this happen when we are laying the path of pain and destruction as groundwork for them to travel.  I'm sure no one wants their child to fall victim to a pedophile, yet we put sexual scenes and references on TV, in music or advertise clothing that is not age appropriate  that put young children in situations where they portray the role of someone beyond their normal years. How can we expect them not to become prey when we advertise them as such?  This is not cute, it is not funny, and it is not appropriate.   How many times have you seen a Social Media Feed where there is a 5 year old twerking and her mama is cheering her on? What does life look like for that child?  Or the 16 year old singing about gang banging because an "artist" made it sound so glamorous? The envelope has been pushed, but really, who wins? Who becomes the victims of life? Whose journeys become tainted?

Life is a Circle

This is nothing new.  Throughout life and over time, this cycle consistently repeats itself. Each generation has added to the negative cycle, and from the beginning of time until now, repeated patterns of sex, violence and drugs have been amplified to the times in which they currently exist and represent.

What you put out into the world, you will (at some time) get back.  If you are kind, then I believe kindness will come to you. If you are mean... well, I guess you will get that too.

The world can be cruel, but it can also be kind, forgiving and even loving. But it’s up to us to change the trend. Pay attention and ultimately, give love.

Have a Phone Interview? Here's How To Ace It!

You have spent a large amount of time applying for jobs and creating networks, so it's very realistic that at any moment, you could get a recruiter calling you to do a phone interview. Are you ready?

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?

If you can, find a quiet place so that you can talk without background noise and interference.

If you are unable to find a quiet place,  you can:

1. Answer the phone and ask if you could schedule for another time more convenient. Suggest times, and be sure to be available at that time.
2. Let your voice mail get the call.  If you choose this option, make sure your voice is clear and the message is free from background noise, music and especially profanity.  You are still selling yourself, and your voice mail represents you more than you think.

WHY it matters? 

There is nothing worse than talking to someone when all you can hear is background, distracting noise.  It takes the emphasis off of what you're saying and is just unprofessional.  

You are in a quiet area free from background noise and interruption.  What's next?

When you answer the phone, clearly say hello, and state your name.
  "Hello, this is JANE DOE."  avoid "Hi", "What's Up?", "Speak!" etc

WHY it matters?
If you are applying for a job where you will be talking on the phone or dealing with customers, this gives the potential employer a chance to see how you sound (clarity and intonation). This becomes part of your selling pitch.

You have a potential employer on the phone. You've answered and are ready to begin the phone interview process.

Some quick Do's and Don'ts:

Don't eat, drink, smoke or chew - all of these have the ability to distort what you're saying to the point that you are not easily understood.  You could also choke.

Do pronounce your words and speak slower than you normally would.

Do smile (yes, even on the phone). It actually comes through when you're speaking. Smiling has the tendency to put us in a good mood and it can change the tone in your voice.

Don't multitask.  Right now is the time to focus on the phone interview and nothing else. Give your complete attention to the call at hand, it could be your next job.

Do keep a copy of your updated resume with you. On the back, list accomplishments and quick notes. It's a great reference tool during a phone interview.

Do ask questions and take notes.

Don't interrupt the interviewer or become argumentative.

At the end of the interview, ask what the next step of the hiring process is and if there is any further information you can provide.

REMEMBER:
Finding a job sometimes can be a job in itself.  A phone interview can be a part of that process. Knowing how to get through the interview can line you up for the next step (face-to-face), get you the job, or leave you asking what you did wrong, and why weren't you hired.

The most important factor is you.  Practice your phone skills the same as if you were doing face-to-face interviews so you are both comfortable and confident when your number is called.

Good luck!

Perfectly Imperfect

We live in a system of checks and balances.  But at the end of the day, what really seems to count is how many stars you get, and if you receive thumbs up or thumbs down. It boils down to, how many people thought your performance at work, school or home was perfect?

I got the idea for this speech because of a conversation I had with my ToastMaster mentor after my Ice Breaker.  The thought process behind perfection and why we strive to be…. Perfect seemed intriguing.  At that time, I thought it would make a phenomenal speech… and now – it’s literally driving me crazy, because, this is a competition and it has to be perfect.

The dictionary says that the word perfect means conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type- meaning we place our perfection in the hands of people who are like us. Less than perfect.

I can remember a time when I played sports. I was a softball player. It was my time to bat. The pitch came, in SWING and a miss.  I took a deep breath, it’s slow pitch, I knew I could kill it.  Another pitch came in, and BAM! The ball flew for miles!  I ran as fast as my legs could carry me.  I got on third base. It was my first triple. I was excited. My heart raced. I could hear people screaming with pleasure. It was perfect.  I was brought in on the next play, and as my team mates congratulated me, my coach said, “Great hit, but next time, you’ll get that home run”.

Immediate Deflation!

I had done my best that day, and through all of the praise of others, I only remember hearing from my coach, "but next time..." because it meant, that I fell short, I failed, and I was not perfect. 

Perfection is what we do more so for someone else than we do for ourselves. It’s easy when we are marked by the number of stars or thumbs to tell you how you’re doing.  It starts in kindergarten, as soon as we get that first star, it’s a quest to always get that star. It then follow us through life – think about this. How many times have you looked up a movie, a restaurant, hotel or vacation spot and seen stars? Three out of five, 4 ½? Thumbs up thumbs down. How many would go to a restaurant that only had one star? Are you willing to take the chance on what you might see or eat? How about a three star hotel? Half-rate service maybe?  

Last week, I stayed at a 3 out of 5 star hotel in London. I did my homework and read the reviews (some horrid), and I took my chances. There were no door people to meet us, and no maid service, but it was beautiful, clean, completely redone and actually a fantastic stay at a fabulous price!

We are marred by the quest of perfection that exists in the minds of others, strangely it’s what someone elses version of perfect looks like, not necessarily our own.

I do agree that there may be some merit in reaching for perfection, but I believe that it should be what we require of self, not what we expect from others.  When we try to reach for a perfection to suit someone elses’ needs, we risk harming our self.  Medical statistics show, that people who constantly strive for perfection have increased stress levels, depression and a loss of enjoyment for life.   

How do we get around the need for perfection?

Ultimately, it’s up to the individual to strive to be the best they can be. Work hard, make and reach set goals, and maintain a healthy relationship and standard to be their best-self.

As parents, teachers and leaders. If you know someone has put their heart and soul into a project or something they have done well.  Congratulate them without… “but next time” this only flaws their efforts and the performance and also lowers self-esteem.

Encouragement is always great, but do so with word choices that complement the path that they are on, not break it down. For example, “how can we tweak this?” or “can you think of a way to enhance the performance?”  Does it take more time? Yes, but it also keeps from crushing the attempts to be perfect in an imperfect world.

The Oscars were on Sunday, which I thought was done very well, except for the Memorial of which they did not put Joan Rivers.  News reviews slammed the producers of the segment and show! Thumbs down.  But, Whoopi Goldberg put it in perspective by saying, that while there were a lot of people that passed, this is the last ‘hoo rah’ they get.  Take the time, to allow others to remember what great things they accomplished even if you cut down the length of each picture in the slideshow.”

Encouragement with productive criticism. Brilliant!

If you’re that perfectionist, make today your day to change your outlook on being perfect.  Remember that while seeking 5/5 stars, thumbs up or an A+ may be attainable in the things you do, but the goal of being perfect in life is a different story.  You are a human, not a machine, and we all make mistakes.  We were never really intended to be “perfect” and that’s the beauty of being you.

Knowing and Doing

Did it ever seem that you know how to do something, like in your mind, you can see what it would take to succeed, and when you put it on paper everything looks great, but, when you physically try to make it happen, everything seems to fall apart leaving you frustrated?

This is the gap between knowing and doing.

It's not that you can't get the results that you want, you just may be lacking the clarity to get there.

So, what could be holding you back?  First and foremost... the fear of succeeding.

One of the greatest obstacles any of us have to face is fear!

I know someone who sells cars.  He is average at what he does, but when he attempts to work as hard as he can, he is reminded of his childhood where his family always said he wouldn't amount to anything.

Through a lot of coaching, the young man realized that he had a fear of actually surpassing what his family said he could do.  And even though he is now a man, the hurtful things he was repeatedly told as a child, haunts him most days. He was held back not just by the words and doubts of others, but also from the fear of succeeding.

It is important to recognize what your fears are, and why you feel the way that you do.

Are you powerful or powerless?  Are you always judging yourself negatively? Do you talk down about yourself to yourself? Do you blame self or others for the position that you're in?

If you answered 'yes' to any of those questions, you may be feeling powerless.  This is that 50 pound weight on your shoulders, the one that makes it hard to get out of bed sometimes.  It's what keeps you from fully working towards your best, and your dreams.

How do you break free?  You've got to learn to let go (no matter how hard) of the negative things in your life.  Sometimes it takes mentors, family or close friends to help you break through.  But once you do, you will be able to move to an empowering state.

A good starting point may be to find positive affirmations or to start a positive self-talk journal.  Focus on the things that you do well.  Put them on paper.  Constancy is the key, as this is something that you are doing for your own well-being.

The last major obstacle is focus.  The awesome point here, is that once you are not afraid to succeed, and you begin to empower yourself- focusing on your goals actually becomes an easier task.

When you start to plan your path, the road you take to reach your goals gets easier with each step.  Do research on what motivates you and act on it!

This is not to say that there won't be challenges along the way, but by staying positive in your self-talk, keeping a journal and positive affirmations, the road to success will be a more pleasant journey.

Again, consistency is key in whatever you choose to do.  Work out your vision, purpose, plan and goal then run with it.

Believe in you!

Your Boss Is A Bully!

Today more than ever, we teach kids that bulling is wrong. We work so hard to instill the importance of acceptance of each other but behind closed doors, the rules of the bully game change.

Life in itself is challenging. Going to work shouldn't have to be a struggle as well.  

Picture this. You are in a job that you completely love, surrounded by people, co-workers and a boss that make each day an enjoyable event.  You are helping others; your reward comes from seeing success from the tasks that you pridefully complete.  Regardless of what goes on in your personal world, you feel confident and secure in the place that you call work.

But now there is a change.  Your boss has gone, and been replaced with someone unfamiliar to you.  Someone who upon the first meeting says something that stabs you briefly in the gut.  You brush it off but between the strange looks, and under breath comments, you can’t ignore the underlying tension between you, and your new boss.  With every move, and every step you are now being watched, criticized and scrutinized. This is new for you – but you try to deal.  You continue about your business, handling things professionally continuing to try to get along.  But the more you try, the more it fails.  The scrutiny goes from bad to worse, and now becomes verbal insults and attacks in front of co-workers and visitors.  What is going on?  Why doesn't she like you?  Why do you get the feeling (by her deeds) that she is out to get you?  But with every move you've been called into meetings, told you should find “other employment” and made to feel less than competent in a position that you’ve successfully done for 10 years.  What changed?

The answer is easy. You are being harassed, by a Bully Boss!  This is no different than a child being bullied in the playground.  You have been targeted, sabotaged and exploited by someone who thrives off of the power of bulling someone else in a lesser position.  

The Bully Boss will usually have one or two targets that reap the psychological assault wrath of his or her aggression while befriending the rest of staff.  This is workplace alienation.  It creates separation between you and your co-workers.  The thought process here is usually to get others (co-workers) to keep distance from the target just to stay on the good side of the boss.  To other employees who see the bullied employee, they may feel sorry for the situation, but are just happy they are not on the receiving end.   The Bully Boss may have an “if you’re not with me, than you’re against me” mentality that intimidates other employees to follow behind her just to keep the peace. Due to the added stress and pressure at work, you now suffer from:

Emotional stress, physical health ailments, embarrassment, and loss of enjoyment for a job you once loved and valued.

Just as we don’t accept child bullies, we shouldn't

have to accept it at work either.  What can you do? First and foremost, realize there is help!  Do your homework!

1.       Remain Professional.  Regardless of what the Bully Boss does, remain professional while you get your proof and options together.  You still need employment, so maintain your composure, words and behavior at all times.

2.       Research Your Employee Manual.  Find out what situations are listed at workplace harassment, hostel work environments and what steps the manual suggests.

3.       Keep Notes. It is vital to keep a notebook with dates that you are being bullied and what happened.  What was said to you?  Were you alone or were there others around?

4.       Ask For Letters.  If you were around co-workers or others, don’t be afraid to ask them to write a letter of what they witnessed.  The worst they can say is ‘no’ but at best; they will do the right thing and write the letter for you.

5.       Seek Legal Council.  Don’t be afraid to talk to an Employment Lawyer.  It may seem silly, but the stress of a Bully Boss can cause physical (health) and emotional damage.  You deserve better treatment and a Lawyer in this field can tell you if there is discrimination and what steps you can legally take.

Remember, the Bully Boss gets pleasure from seeing you hurt, down, or in tears.  You are too important to be treated less than a person by anyone.  You have the right (legally and as a person) to go to work without thought or fear of being a target.  

Choose to Change 2015

Make a commitment to yourself that you will reflect and regain control of your life.

Take Time For YOU

Take control of a life spiraling out of control.  It is your life.  If you've given 85% of who you are to others and only left 15% to care for self, change those percentages.  Usually, it's the people we give a large majority of our time to that mistreat us mentally, emotionally and/or physically.  The small percentage left over is just not enough to pick up the broken pieces left from someone else's destruction.

Make a choice everyday to look at the days events without over analyzing them.  Allow your mind to be open to your true thoughts and feelings without worry of what someone will think of your decisions, and without thought of hurting someone or being harmed.

Make time to take refuge every night away from distractions of others to write about the day.  Reflect on only your behaviors and actions.  Just focus on you. Take time to heal as this is for you not for them.  For as long as it takes, pen to paper non-stop writing of your thoughts.

Make a goal to learn how to start protecting yourself rather than saving others. 

Make a way to break through the negative things that you allow to hold you back.  This becomes more of a raw workbook rather than a read along.  It is current and relevant to you and it is very interactive of each day as it happens.

If you choose to settle for something, you are choosing to allow it to happen to you.

Change! 

Fourth Quarter and inches...

2014 is almost done and gone, what have you done for you lately?

As we move towards the Fourth Quarter, the end of the year, it's time to re-evaluate where you are in your life plan.  How often do you review this plan? Are you meeting your smaller goals as you work towards the big picture of your life? When is the last time you actually looked at that chapter in your YOU Book?

Talk is simple and cheap, but the reality of life can be cut-throat. Are you ready to face the facts of your life and where it's headed?

If you're unhappy with your situation, it's time to saddle up and make changes so that you move forward, not continue to stand in the same place or worse move at a snails pace.

It's time to look beyond the immediate wants you may have and work for the basic needs to secure the future of you and your family.  It all starts with you and how you choose to do your business.

There are many organizations to help in your quest for a better future, they are all in your reach if you step towards them and put all you have into bettering your skills and hone in on what expertise you have.  Every industry is looking to hire that perfect employee, why shouldn't they hire you?

Take the time to take a long hard look in the mirror.  See the package that you present to other people.  Look at you from head to toe, review your skills (soft and hard). It may be time to make a full-hearted change so that others see the best that you have to offer.  But remember, any changes you make to self should be from the heart, and real.  People (good HR people) can easily read through nonsense and putting on an act to get a job only hurts you in the long run.

Good Luck!