Your Boss Is A Bully!

Today more than ever, we teach kids that bulling is wrong. We work so hard to instill the importance of acceptance of each other but behind closed doors, the rules of the bully game change.

Life in itself is challenging. Going to work shouldn't have to be a struggle as well.  

Picture this. You are in a job that you completely love, surrounded by people, co-workers and a boss that make each day an enjoyable event.  You are helping others; your reward comes from seeing success from the tasks that you pridefully complete.  Regardless of what goes on in your personal world, you feel confident and secure in the place that you call work.

But now there is a change.  Your boss has gone, and been replaced with someone unfamiliar to you.  Someone who upon the first meeting says something that stabs you briefly in the gut.  You brush it off but between the strange looks, and under breath comments, you can’t ignore the underlying tension between you, and your new boss.  With every move, and every step you are now being watched, criticized and scrutinized. This is new for you – but you try to deal.  You continue about your business, handling things professionally continuing to try to get along.  But the more you try, the more it fails.  The scrutiny goes from bad to worse, and now becomes verbal insults and attacks in front of co-workers and visitors.  What is going on?  Why doesn't she like you?  Why do you get the feeling (by her deeds) that she is out to get you?  But with every move you've been called into meetings, told you should find “other employment” and made to feel less than competent in a position that you’ve successfully done for 10 years.  What changed?

The answer is easy. You are being harassed, by a Bully Boss!  This is no different than a child being bullied in the playground.  You have been targeted, sabotaged and exploited by someone who thrives off of the power of bulling someone else in a lesser position.  

The Bully Boss will usually have one or two targets that reap the psychological assault wrath of his or her aggression while befriending the rest of staff.  This is workplace alienation.  It creates separation between you and your co-workers.  The thought process here is usually to get others (co-workers) to keep distance from the target just to stay on the good side of the boss.  To other employees who see the bullied employee, they may feel sorry for the situation, but are just happy they are not on the receiving end.   The Bully Boss may have an “if you’re not with me, than you’re against me” mentality that intimidates other employees to follow behind her just to keep the peace. Due to the added stress and pressure at work, you now suffer from:

Emotional stress, physical health ailments, embarrassment, and loss of enjoyment for a job you once loved and valued.

Just as we don’t accept child bullies, we shouldn't

have to accept it at work either.  What can you do? First and foremost, realize there is help!  Do your homework!

1.       Remain Professional.  Regardless of what the Bully Boss does, remain professional while you get your proof and options together.  You still need employment, so maintain your composure, words and behavior at all times.

2.       Research Your Employee Manual.  Find out what situations are listed at workplace harassment, hostel work environments and what steps the manual suggests.

3.       Keep Notes. It is vital to keep a notebook with dates that you are being bullied and what happened.  What was said to you?  Were you alone or were there others around?

4.       Ask For Letters.  If you were around co-workers or others, don’t be afraid to ask them to write a letter of what they witnessed.  The worst they can say is ‘no’ but at best; they will do the right thing and write the letter for you.

5.       Seek Legal Council.  Don’t be afraid to talk to an Employment Lawyer.  It may seem silly, but the stress of a Bully Boss can cause physical (health) and emotional damage.  You deserve better treatment and a Lawyer in this field can tell you if there is discrimination and what steps you can legally take.

Remember, the Bully Boss gets pleasure from seeing you hurt, down, or in tears.  You are too important to be treated less than a person by anyone.  You have the right (legally and as a person) to go to work without thought or fear of being a target.  

Relationships, Contracts and the Fine Print

Your friendship is like an unwritten contract.  All friendships should work with terms of what you will accept, what you won’t put up with, and most of all how you will interact with individual relationships.  Most people don’t associate contracts with regular everyday relationships, therefore there can be a huge area of grey confusion amongst friends.

Think of it like this.  When you purchase something (car, home, etc.) there are terms of agreements that apply. Usually somewhere, there is fine print which better define the terms of those agreements. For example you may receive a pre-approved credit card however the fine print says “subject to approval” The fine print clearly states full disclosures of all (even unfavorable) terms or conditions in the contract.

With everyone you meet, you start a contract of sorts, we just don’t put it on paper.

Today, take the steps to redefine contracts with people in your life.  If you feel that you’re taken advantage of, mistreated, or easily dismissed, maybe it’s time to create a contract with fine print that states the terms of that friendship. This is for you – for a better understanding of who you are, and what needs that you have for each relationship you encounter, new or old. 

Want to take it a step further, have a conversation with the individual(s) and let them know what the fine print on your contract is.  If they feel you are a value, they will do what it takes to hold up their end of your contract.