Your Boss Is A Bully!

Today more than ever, we teach kids that bulling is wrong. We work so hard to instill the importance of acceptance of each other but behind closed doors, the rules of the bully game change.

Life in itself is challenging. Going to work shouldn't have to be a struggle as well.  

Picture this. You are in a job that you completely love, surrounded by people, co-workers and a boss that make each day an enjoyable event.  You are helping others; your reward comes from seeing success from the tasks that you pridefully complete.  Regardless of what goes on in your personal world, you feel confident and secure in the place that you call work.

But now there is a change.  Your boss has gone, and been replaced with someone unfamiliar to you.  Someone who upon the first meeting says something that stabs you briefly in the gut.  You brush it off but between the strange looks, and under breath comments, you can’t ignore the underlying tension between you, and your new boss.  With every move, and every step you are now being watched, criticized and scrutinized. This is new for you – but you try to deal.  You continue about your business, handling things professionally continuing to try to get along.  But the more you try, the more it fails.  The scrutiny goes from bad to worse, and now becomes verbal insults and attacks in front of co-workers and visitors.  What is going on?  Why doesn't she like you?  Why do you get the feeling (by her deeds) that she is out to get you?  But with every move you've been called into meetings, told you should find “other employment” and made to feel less than competent in a position that you’ve successfully done for 10 years.  What changed?

The answer is easy. You are being harassed, by a Bully Boss!  This is no different than a child being bullied in the playground.  You have been targeted, sabotaged and exploited by someone who thrives off of the power of bulling someone else in a lesser position.  

The Bully Boss will usually have one or two targets that reap the psychological assault wrath of his or her aggression while befriending the rest of staff.  This is workplace alienation.  It creates separation between you and your co-workers.  The thought process here is usually to get others (co-workers) to keep distance from the target just to stay on the good side of the boss.  To other employees who see the bullied employee, they may feel sorry for the situation, but are just happy they are not on the receiving end.   The Bully Boss may have an “if you’re not with me, than you’re against me” mentality that intimidates other employees to follow behind her just to keep the peace. Due to the added stress and pressure at work, you now suffer from:

Emotional stress, physical health ailments, embarrassment, and loss of enjoyment for a job you once loved and valued.

Just as we don’t accept child bullies, we shouldn't

have to accept it at work either.  What can you do? First and foremost, realize there is help!  Do your homework!

1.       Remain Professional.  Regardless of what the Bully Boss does, remain professional while you get your proof and options together.  You still need employment, so maintain your composure, words and behavior at all times.

2.       Research Your Employee Manual.  Find out what situations are listed at workplace harassment, hostel work environments and what steps the manual suggests.

3.       Keep Notes. It is vital to keep a notebook with dates that you are being bullied and what happened.  What was said to you?  Were you alone or were there others around?

4.       Ask For Letters.  If you were around co-workers or others, don’t be afraid to ask them to write a letter of what they witnessed.  The worst they can say is ‘no’ but at best; they will do the right thing and write the letter for you.

5.       Seek Legal Council.  Don’t be afraid to talk to an Employment Lawyer.  It may seem silly, but the stress of a Bully Boss can cause physical (health) and emotional damage.  You deserve better treatment and a Lawyer in this field can tell you if there is discrimination and what steps you can legally take.

Remember, the Bully Boss gets pleasure from seeing you hurt, down, or in tears.  You are too important to be treated less than a person by anyone.  You have the right (legally and as a person) to go to work without thought or fear of being a target.  

Looking For a Job? Ready, Set, Action

So you "think" you're ready to find a job.  You've pumped yourself up for the interview as this is a no-brainer and you are more than qualified for the job. Yesterday you felt prepared, but today, something just doesn't feel quite right? So you brush it off thinking "it's all in my mind".

You open the door of the interviewers office and immediately freeze! What happened?  What changed?  You decide it's too late to turn and run, your mind isn't working as you want it too, in a moments thought you realize you're not really ready (or want) to work.

A lot of times, the fear of succeeding can take over leaving the subconscious mind to choose between deeply rooted emotions and logic.  When this happens, emotions usually win leaving the mind to figure out how to get out of the situation.  What comes next is called, self-sabotage. For every question the interviewer gives, your responses are short with no detail. You've lost the ability to focus and effectively communicate how you've gained the skills needed to perform this job.  What's worse, you've lost the ability to sell you!  So sitting in an office where you feel you don't belong, you try your hardest to just get it over with so you can go back to your comfort zone of the couch, Jerry Springer and soggy cereal.

For any employer to hire you, first you need to believe in yourself and the skills that you have accumulated over your working career.  You then need to learn how to sell that product (which is you).

Where do you start?  First you need to figure out who you are, and how your skills should be marketed to best sell you for any job.  Bottom line, why should someone take a chance in hiring you rather than someone else?  If you find some of your hard skills are lacking, find a free class, go to the library or dust off your computer and work on making your skills a great selling point for you.  If it's your soft skills that need a touch-up, try an etiquette (manor) class.

Regardless of what skills you need to improve on, whether it's minor adjustments or a major overhaul, stay positive on your quest and find others who will encourage you.

Good luck!

Are You A Hoarder?

Many times, the picture we see when we think of hoarding, is what is on TV.  But, it doesn't have to be that intense, or that bad.  Hoarding comes in many shapes and forms.

Hoarding can represent feeling unsafe in life and a feeling of being all over the place.  It can start out as a need or a way to be in control of something or things (people included) and slowly over time, it can consume us completely.

Ways that we can express control may be buying and keeping multiple unneeded items. Or even to hold on to people that no longer contribute to the healthiness of our lives. Holding on to the emotional and physical allows useless things to consume time and space.

Experiment:

If you were given 10 minutes to clean out your kitchen, what would you toss?  What about your bathroom?  Now, let's look at the personal closet you keep in your mind.  If you had that same 10 minutes to let go of 3 people who no longer fill you the way they once did, who would you choose and why?

Let me know how your experiment works!

Choose to Change 2015

Make a commitment to yourself that you will reflect and regain control of your life.

Take Time For YOU

Take control of a life spiraling out of control.  It is your life.  If you've given 85% of who you are to others and only left 15% to care for self, change those percentages.  Usually, it's the people we give a large majority of our time to that mistreat us mentally, emotionally and/or physically.  The small percentage left over is just not enough to pick up the broken pieces left from someone else's destruction.

Make a choice everyday to look at the days events without over analyzing them.  Allow your mind to be open to your true thoughts and feelings without worry of what someone will think of your decisions, and without thought of hurting someone or being harmed.

Make time to take refuge every night away from distractions of others to write about the day.  Reflect on only your behaviors and actions.  Just focus on you. Take time to heal as this is for you not for them.  For as long as it takes, pen to paper non-stop writing of your thoughts.

Make a goal to learn how to start protecting yourself rather than saving others. 

Make a way to break through the negative things that you allow to hold you back.  This becomes more of a raw workbook rather than a read along.  It is current and relevant to you and it is very interactive of each day as it happens.

If you choose to settle for something, you are choosing to allow it to happen to you.

Change!