The Holiday’s,  Self-Care, and You 

            By Dr. Lisa Raymond

           

It’s the holiday season, and like many individuals during this time of year, the focus is typically more about others than it is about our own wellness.  However, it is important now more than any other time of year to focus on self-care so that we can keep breathing and moving through the hustle and bustle of the season.



As we become overwhelmed, we are sometimes less able to make decisions clearly, lack critical problem-solving skills, as well as the ability to handle challenges as they come up in our lives. It’s important to realize that recharging is healthy!  It’s about shifting your mindset from giving your all to everyone else (children, partner, work, etc.), to saving some love and self-care for you!  This can be a pivotal move as a lack of quality self-care can hold us back from mentally and physically not only from ourselves, but also from others we deem important. 



Think about the last time you were stressed or overwhelmed.  How did those feelings affect your attitude in how you treated others, how you did your job, and most importantly, how you treated yourself?  For me, when I’m stressed at work or home, I hold self-care as a reward.  For example, if it’s lunch time, and I can hear my stomach growling, I make myself feel worse by pushing through and finishing a task rather than taking a needed break to eat. Here, I’m using food as a reward system.  I make myself get to a “break through point” before giving myself much needed fuel, thus making myself angry and cranky to others.  I do the same with using the bathroom as a reward system.  Have you ever had to go, but you ignore the feeling so that you can finish doing something else?  And by the time you do go, sometimes you’re in pain from holding it so long! 



What I’ve learned, is that not only is this not healthy for your mind, spirit, or body, it sends a message that your need for relief is not important, when actually it should be!



Change your mindset to realize that self-care isn’t part of a reward, it’s part of the process.  By taking the time to provide self-care you can reduce burnout, reduce negative effects of stress, and refocus on what’s important to you.   So, what can you do? Here are eight areas that you can start providing care to self.

1.     Get more exercise.  You don’t have to join a gym, workout at home or just walk ½ hour a day to feel better!

2.     Small breaks.  Take a 5-10-minute break every other hour.  Go outside, get fresh air, or just walk around your office.

3.     Hydrate.  Drink more water.  The impact of drinking enough water daily is amazing!  Being dehydrated can leave you feeling tired and groggy, so load up on water!

4.     Sleep.  How much sleep does your body need?  Are you getting the required 8-10 hours of sleep?  You will feel better when your body is refreshed and well rested.

5.     Actions that help you feel better.  When is the last time you did something that you enjoy?  Hang out with friends, dance, read a good book, take on a new activity.  Find ways of doing things that you enjoy just to break-up the daily routine of home-to-work.

6.     Nutrition.  Food is the energy that our body needs!  When we miss out on the proper vitamins, our body doesn’t work at optimal levels.  By changing how much sugar and not-so-good stuff we take in, will change how we feel.

7.     Identify your triggers and acknowledge your feelings.  Keep a journal so you know how things affect you, and you can work on the care that you need for each moment.  Identify positive ways of giving self-care through prayer and meditation, positive self-speak, or talk and share your experiences with either a close friend or professional (if needed).

8.     Set boundaries by saying “no”.  Learn how to (politely) say no sometimes.  Know your limits and know that by saying no you are giving yourself a chance to rest and recharge from doing something for others, to doing something for yourself.   The important thing that I learned by setting limits with others is that, by adjusting my boundaries to fit every relationship that I have with others, I diminish the relationship that I have with myself.

By taking simple steps, you can begin the process of providing self-care when you most need it!  For a video course, please go to: Quality Self-Care

                               What’s the problem?

By Dr. Lisa Raymond

It’s 2019, and one would think, or hope at best, that the job market is actually doing as good as this administration says we are (or should be) doing.  While there are tons of jobs available, where are the people?



It seems that I can’t make it one full block without seeing “Help Wanted” signs in store-front windows.  For the past year, I’ve made notes on the types of jobs available. I’ve talked to hiring managers as well as business owners, and I can make this brief by saying, EVERYONE is looking for SOMEONE that will just show up; working at this point would be a bonus!



Far beyond a lack of people to work, it seems that a couple of things are happening like clockwork. 



So, what’s the problem?

1.      Schools and learning – What is being taught, and how are they learning?

a.       A lack of education.  Overall, we have failed our youth.  We send kids to school for what we hope would be a top-notch education.  An opportunity to learn skills that will catapult them into a wonderful career for a better tomorrow; however, this isn’t happening.  It seems in an attempt to make learning easier; the process has become so daunting that students fear learning as if failing is an easier choice. Sometimes it’s harder to get them to go to school, let alone work towards getting the knowledge and skills that will undoubtedly help them become successful (in any field) when they leave school.

b.      Standards of learning Regardless if home schooled or sent to brick and mortar, what has the standard of learning become?  Many students get passed for poor behavior rather than on quality of their work.  It appears that in many school systems, almost everyone passes to meet school standards rather than what is best for the student.  It is our job to teach them how to apply themselves so that they can survive and be productive adults.  Raising the standards of what we teach them, or how we teach them to learn, makes them citizens that can be hired when opportunities arise. Accepting less from those we teach will not provide anyone with more opportunity.

2.      Technology - As wonderful as technology is, is as dangerous as it can be.

a.       Laziness.  Is laziness the new standard of cool?  It seems this may be the case for some.  Technology has made it easy to job hunt from the comfort of the couch, eating chips, and watching The Price Is Right.  Workforce programs have accepted the use of technology as a viable attempt to “looking” for employment, what a travesty. The art of getting up bright and early, dressing for success, and going door-to-door with resume in hand is long forgotten. 

b.      Distractions. Oh look, a butterfly!  Ok, technology may not cause one to avoid focusing on something, but it sure does help that process.  It’s quite easy to lose oneself in a game or on Facebook for what seems to be minutes when in actuality hours have passed.  This is the greatest time robber of the moment.

As the owner of an employment agency, many candidates come in hoping to get on-the-job training, when employers are at the very least are looking for possible hires to meet basic requirements such as: Will he/she show up (on time)?  Will they work a full shift (not leave after lunch)?  Will they be nice to customers and co-workers?   And for anyone that can meet these basic needs is almost gold standard for any company.   



As educators, we do a disservice to future hiring companies by watering down learning to make them (students) happy.   All jobs have basic needs of which I listed above. It is up to us to teach students the importance of showing up and being on time as well as any relevant skills needed to complete the job requirements.  It’s time to level up and take learning to new heights!

The Impact of Learning

We live in a world of non-stop technology.  Click, touch, and go, repeat.  But what happened to actually learning material.  Applying it to various situations, and coming out better, for the ability to truly learn?  While we are getting smarter, we are still staying behind the curve.

In today’s day and age, we overlook the fact that applied knowledge is what is missing in our society. Books are replaced with audio readers, a pen to paper is replace with Seri, and no with Alexa, you can lay in bed and ask for almost anything imaginable.

Learning is so important, but it goes far beyond the technical side of life.  It should touch the essence of everyone to bring about growth and change and a new way of thinking about life. 

The more we rely on technology, the easier it becomes to replace humans. * Rant over*

I was never much for school, and even less for the notion of learning.  Fast forward 20 years, and now in a doctoral program, I am learning all that I can, so I can share the information; specifically, how to communicate.  In a world where communication is becoming a lost art, I’ve learned that the ability to effectively talk to people to express a feeling or thought is like music to my ears.  The impact of learning on my life has completely shaken my roots to the core and helped me develop a solid path in academia.  My goal is to attain the highest honor in learning; which is to teach others this lost language of communication. 

I AM

I wrote a poem in my freshman English course titled “I am” – I wrote it because I felt lost inside.  I was alone, had few friends and was struggling with being away from home.  The truth is, I felt different. I was the alien in the room.

The first line was, “I am the color of creamed caramel coffee.”  At that time, the visual worked because I struggled with my skin tone, and the ‘creamed caramel coffee’ reference allowed me to identify with self. But, the rest of the poem, was a reflection of all the things that I wasn’t.  Thinking of it now, it was an attempt at empowerment that made me feel more depressed and alone at that particular moment in my life.

I rewrote the poem some years later, and it’s become my personal anthem.  A challenge to self to remain my own cheerleader when everyone else falls away.  It has become a continual affirmation not of what I could have been, or might be.  It is my here, now, and future.

So my words for being wiser, to any person and to my younger self goes something like this:

I AM

I AM the color of creamed caramel coffee.  I AM tall, warm, and beautiful.  I AM not what you expected me to be, I AM one who moves mountains.  I AM a survivor of illness, racism, and hate.  I AM tough!

I AM innovative, passionate, and constantly moving forward.  I AM always thinking of what’s next. 

I AM too busy being successful than to reflect on what I’m not.  I AM seeing all that I AM.

I AM smart, I AM present, I AM ethical but most of all, I AM PHENOMINAL!

At the end of the day, I AM still learning and growing, and guess what…so are YOU.

What you say, you do become. Stay positive and continually affirm all that YOU ARE!  Begin each day with positive “I AM’s”, write it in a journal, on the wall, wherever your eyes can see it.  Become your own best friend and cheerleader!  To change your life, you have to change your attitude and how you see yourself.  Ethically speak to yourself with love and kindness every day. EVERY DAY!

To reach me: 

Lisa Raymond, Ethics2Talk, LLC (ethics@talk.com), (412) 430-3428, or email:  Lisa@LCRay214.com

Business owner of First Choice Temporary Services, Inc.,  Ethics2Talk, LLC, Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Adjunct English Professor at Robert Morris University

Finding Time

How big is your to do list?  How about your 'personal' to do list.  You know the one that is all about you?  The very one that you say you'd like to accomplish something but never get around to it?  How important is it for you to reach those small personal goals one task at a time?

We all have things that we would like to do in life, but sometimes in the midst of everyday living, what we want to do actually takes a back seat to satisfy what needs to be done right now.  And more times than not, what needs done now is for someone other than yourself.

This can cause us to lose sight and focus of what we originally wanted and needed to do for self in order to feel complete for that moment.

I suggest to you to find some selfish time.  Think of it as time to regroup, re-energize and refocus yourself so that you can be more for those around you.

Start off by taking 15-30 minutes every day to find peace and clarity through meditation, prayer, or journaling.  Choose a time that you can commit to yourself with no interruptions.  This could be at the start of your day, before bedtime, or anytime in between.  What matters most is that you devote time to yourself and enjoy being good to you during that time.

What you will find is that by taking time to get back to you, you will be more equipped (mentally) to deal with those around you.
Try it!  Email me and let me know what works best for you!

It's time to energize businesses and train our youth to work smarter! It's time to (globally) catch up!

If I could show you a company that is a catalyst of change, would you be interested?  A company that believes in doing and taking action to implement real solutions.  We all know what the issues and challenges are, yet the mission is to implement real world solutions that can be used today!

Society has always benefited from a strong middle class yet few have focused on creating a cohesive holistic inclusive solution to bolster those with whom our economy is built.

Education (STEM) is the foundation upon which we must build economic equity and vitality in the 21^st century.

The national campaign is the platform upon which we are developing strategic solutions to many challenges in our communities.

We believe the creation of a culture and ecosystem that facilitates excellence and generates wealth is a major key to empowerment.

We are holding seminars and training ALL over the country - it’s time to become empowered!  

Message me for more information!

Just be like.....

How many times have you been told, "Just be like...."?   More like your brother. More like your sister. More like the cool kids.  Be like Mike.... Heck, someone may even say, "Be like Nike, and ..... 'just do it'!"

                    How many people have you told to be like..... someone else?

I've been on both sides of that table.  Growing up, it was, you should have your sisters eyes. Or you should be more athletically fast like your brother.   I felt pitted against them. And when I was told to be more like my peers, I felt like I was losing the battle of being me.

You see, it's hard to fit in when it seems that everyone is telling you to be like someone else.  To me, it boiled down to, who I was just wasn't good enough.  I went through most of my life not fitting in. And fighting harder to try to shove the square peg (me) into the round hole that everyone else seemed to play in.

I went through college trying to be more like everyone else because I had lost all identity of who I actually was. I was confused and lost. I changed how I talked, walked, and interacted.  I was dramatic, always sickly, always doing more to get attention.  All that work to be like someone else never worked and I never felt like I fit in.

I've even done this same type of 'be like' damage to my kids -- be like this sports figure, be like that smart girl... just emulate anyone - except who you were meant to be. And for that... I'm truly sorry.

I'm learning to accept myself in general and others for who they authentically are.  For the talents they have, and more so for the joy they bring to my life.  The world has become so fast-paced, judgemental, and unaccepting of different.  And while I can't change everyone's thought patterns, I can surely work on my own.

So instead of telling others to be like someone else, I ask only that you be authentic, brilliant and be you.  Because no one in this whole world can share what you have in your heart quite like you - and that is what makes you special!